Where Is My Place? Letting Feng Shui Help You Find Yourself

Jill and her family lived in a 9,500 sq. ft. home—a home they had carefully chosen out of many they had considered—-a home that was close to schools for their children—-a home that had virtually all the features they wanted.  Yet when I met with Jill, she was on antidepressants, said she didn’t feel “at home” and had come to hate the place.

They had four children so they needed the space for them all to spread out, hang out, and chill out.  Each of the children had their own room; they had a separate study room; and they had a rec room on the lower level.  Her husband had his own office which he used evenings and weekends to check emails and have some private time.   I asked Jill where her private space was located.  The house was mega-huge—-certainly she must have her own office?  No, she didn’t.  A craft room?  A reading room? A corner of her bedroom?  In all of the requirements for this home, making sure Jill had a space to call her own was not included.

This isn’t always the woman’s issue.  I’ve been in many homes where the male partner didn’t have anywhere to call his own.  He had a corner in the unheated garage where he stored some tools and “junk” as it was referred to.  But there was no place where he could close the door and expect that everyone else would respect his need for privacy. 

Although it isn’t always possible to designate a full room to each person in the family, each of the adults/partners should consider it a priority when planning bedroom and office arrangements.  In Jill’s case, her children had more of a place in the home than she did. Jill insisted her place was in the kitchen where she spent most of her days.  The reason that doesn’t work is that the kitchen isn’t private—-anyone, even neighbors, can walk in and interrupt what’s going on there.


A private space includes some or all of the following physical features:

1.  A space removed from the main flow of traffic.

2.  A space that has a door on it.

3.  A door that locks.

4.  A comfortable chair/lounge/rocker.

5.  Favorite colors.

More importantly, the private space should make its occupants feel:

1.  Safe

2.  Inspired and creative

3.  Special

4.  Calm

5.  Centered


One of Jill’s sons enjoyed taking his sleeping bag and camping out in his brother’s room each night. Acknowledging that her son was not enjoying being in his room by himself, she moved all his belongings in with his brother, and claimed his room for herself.  On a follow-up visit, she shared that she was off her medication for depression.  She was positive that creating her own space was instrumental in bringing her back to balance and changing her outlook on life.  Jill was able to find herself again—-she belonged in the house.