Jill and her family lived in a 9,500 sq. ft. home—a home they had carefully chosen out of many they had considered—-a home that was close to schools for their children—-a home that had virtually all the features they wanted.  Yet when I met with Jill, she was on antidepressants, said she didn’t feel “at home” and had come to hate the place.

They had four children so they needed the space for them all to spread out, hang out, and chill out.  Each of the children had their own room; they had a separate study room; and they had a rec room on the lower level.  Her husband had his own office which he used evenings and weekends to check emails and have some private time.   I asked Jill where her private space was located.  The house was mega-huge—-certainly she must have her own office?  No, she didn’t.  A craft room?  A reading room? A corner of her bedroom?  In all of the requirements for this home, making sure Jill had a space to call her own was not included.

This isn’t always the woman’s issue.  I’ve been in many homes where the male partner didn’t have anywhere to call his own.  He had a corner in the unheated garage where he stored some tools and “junk” as it was referred to.  But there was no place where he could close the door and expect that everyone else would respect his need for privacy. 

Although it isn’t always possible to designate a full room to each person in the family, each of the adults/partners should consider it a priority when planning bedroom and office arrangements.  In Jill’s case, her children had more of a place in the home than she did. Jill insisted her place was in the kitchen where she spent most of her days.  The reason that doesn’t work is that the kitchen isn’t private—-anyone, even neighbors, can walk in and interrupt what’s going on there.

A private space includes some or all of the following physical features:

1.  A space removed from the main flow of traffic.

2.  A space that has a door on it.

3.  A door that locks.

4.  A comfortable chair/lounge/rocker.

5.  Favorite colors.

More importantly, the private space should make its occupants feel:

1.  Safe

2.  Inspired and creative

3.  Special

4.  Calm

5.  Centered

One of Jill’s sons enjoyed taking his sleeping bag and camping out in his brother’s room each night. Acknowledging that her son was not enjoying being in his room by himself, she moved all his belongings in with his brother, and claimed his room for herself.  On a follow-up visit, she shared that she was off her medication for depression.  She was positive that creating her own space was instrumental in bringing her back to balance and changing her outlook on life.  Jill was able to find herself again—-she belonged in the house.

Over the years, I’ve gotten questions from people about round beds, wondering if they’re “good” Feng Shui or “bad” Feng Shui.  The few people that I’ve consulted with who actually sleep in a round bed love, love, love their beds.  They’re sleeping well and the love the look.  There is reason, however, to look suspiciously at a round bed and wonder at its effectiveness.  After all, we’ve slept in rectangular beds since the beginning of time—-the rooms may be round (i.e. tepees, igloos, caves) but the actual resting place was usually a square-ish area.  Could this be causing a paradigm shift that, on some level, might be disturbing?  If they’re so great, how come everyone doesn’t have a round bed?  Picture of round red bed with above copy.

In Feng Shui, there are some specific features required to make a bed acceptable.  The bedding and the pillows should be complimentary colors to those who sleep in there.  Old sheets should be recycled for newer, crisp ones; nothing should be stored under the bed; using a second-hand bed (bed-frame or mattress) should be avoided unless its origins are positive.  All of these factors are based on personal and aesthetic taste and could change from one owner to the next, regardless of whether the bed is round or not.

But there are 3 structural details that will qualify a bed to be Feng Shui acceptable or not. . . .

1.  It must be up off the floor to allow circulation and flow of energy.
2.  It must have a solid headboard for support.
3. The mattress should be in one piece representing unity between partners or between parts of oneself.

In light of this, a round bed fits all the parameters listed above, so it really comes down to personal preference.  However, a round bed won’t work if one of the partners absolutely hates the idea.  A round bed also won’t work if the room is simply too small to accommodate one.  If, after a few weeks, getting a good night’s sleep is still an issue or becomes an issue when it wasn’t before for one or both of the partners, then a round bed isn’t the answer.

For those trying to decide about a round bed or not, sometimes putting a large round rug under the existing rectangular bed adds the element they’re looking for—-a bit of drama and a change in pattern, yet without having to deal with getting a new bed.  That said, most people still prefer the traditional, predictable rectangular bed.  Some patterns run deep and just don’t want to be messed with. Would love to hear from those of you who have a round bed and how you like it.

Most everyone I know owns books.  Some people have skads of them—-so many, in fact, that they’re stored in boxes in the basement.  There are some people who can’t let go of their college textbooks from 30 to 40 years ago.  Others love their books so much they wouldn’t think of keeping them in boxes—–so they’re stacked in various corners waiting for the right place to call home.

Setting up a library or a library area is always a good plan for someone who owns a lot of books.  The extra bedroom could become a quiet reading spot where shelving would make the books accessible.  An unused formal dining room may convert beautifully to a formal library, complete with floor-to-ceiling shelves and a rolling ladder to access the most remote volume.  Sometimes a purging is required to get the books to fit appropriately into a space.

Because books represent the opinions and stories of others, they do need Feng Shui consideration for proper integration.
Read here for where books are appropriately placed and where to avoid putting them. . . .

1.  Books should be maintained in an upright or horizontal position.  Since books, due to their different size and color, can easily turn into a haphazard assortment, keeping them neatly in place will help.  I’ve taken to storing the books I have in my office according to color—–it works for me!
2.  Never store books in your bedroom.  Books represent the voice/opinion of the author and therefore bring with them a lot of “noise” and vibration.  Other than the book or two you may be reading at night, store the rest of them elsewhere.
3.  Don’t have books higher than your head when you’re working in your office.  They can become overwhelming and make you feel oppressed.  Move them to lower shelves or have shelving with doors you can close to manage their oppressive affects.
4.  Having books near the front door sends a positive message to those who come to visit that you are studious, well-read and intellectual.
5.  Unless you’re setting up a formal library, arrange your bookshelves with an artful eye by adding photos, plants, sculpture.  It will break up the intensity of the books and provide you with some eye candy.

Books are our friends.  Treat them respectfully and with care.  If they’re taped up in boxes in your basement, it may be time to let them out.  Libraries are always looking for used books, so are used book stores.  If it’s no longer being read or appreciated, it is time to turn the page on your books and bring them to a happy ending.